I cried in the beginning of the week. I think it was over not being able to find my keys one morning. I just felt like any little thing could make me feel vulnerable and unprotected. Because if I’m being honest transitions are hard, you know? Because it means leaving something (good or bad) for a whole new thing, a scary, daunting new season-new space, new people. I don’t know how to do transitions, I don’t remember how to do APU, I don’t know how to do this season.
This Sunday I heard something about bold prayers. And isn’t thats the kind of God we serve? The God who listens to bold prayers, the kind of God who isn’t intimidated by bold prayers. He listens to those little whispered prayers, He listens to the small ones, the soft ones, the murmured ones. But our God also listens to bold, big, daunting prayers. Because nothing, absolutely nothing is too big for Him.When I look at the people in the Bible who knew the Lord, who loved Him…they prayed bold prayers. When I look at Jesus He prayed bold prayers. I want to be someone who prays bold prayers in the midst of the unknown, not because I am willing to dream, but because I believe in a God who is victorious, and who delights in being good.
This New Year’s as I prayed over a word for the year “undaunted” kept on playing in my mind like a song. Living an undaunted life isn’t something I have figured out. But I think it feels a lot like when you jump from a swing as it’s moving. It must feel a lot like freedom. It feels like being free as a bird. But it must also feel like letting go of something-security, the known, the comfortable. In order to experience that freedom of jumping from a swing, I must be willing TO JUMP. A split second of willingness to lose my seat. A split second of boldness, and have the certainty that good, good things come from small bold moments.
The other day Bri came home from class and she showed me a cut out of a person parachuting. She said her professor loves parachuting. And he explained that if we were to jump off of a plane parallel and stand straight with our hands to our sides we would fall too fast and lose control. So instead when one jumps one has to open our arms out,thus our center of gravity is our belly button, and one falls perfectly fine.
I just kept on thinking about this because my natural reaction would be to stand up straight and stiff, with my hands to my side too afraid to open them up.
But turns out this is the best way to fall. Turns out, the way to not lose control is to open up your arms and let go.
Yesterday at church a sweet lady talked about her experience going to Uganda this past December and she said with tears in her eyes, “It was a God-sized adventure.”And isn’t that all we could ever want from life? This mundane, pedestrian, simple, yet intricate, often routinely, busy, crazy, exhilarating life is a God-sized adventure. I think that is what I want out of life, not necessarily one people write about … or is known and talked about, but I want my life to be a God-sized adventure. I want richness and goodness in the simple, in the conversations, in the renewal of my mind, in the breaking of me, in the sacrifice, in the learning, in the discovering, in the grace we give and receive, in the stories heard and told, in the struggles in the darkness, in the victories, in the redemption, in God’s mercies, in the delighting.
So this season, the word “grace upon grace” is stamped on my mind. Grace towards others because we are all somehow, somewhere, in some shape or form transitioning. I think we are all fighting for boldness and for freedom. I think we are all somehow parachuting. And i want to give myself grace because sometimes I will lose my keys, sometimes I will be less of who I want to be, sometimes I’ll say the wrong thing, sometimes I will fail the people I love, sometimes I won’t be bold and sometimes I will be daunted by circumstances.
But you know what?
I think we wake up, and the sun comes back up. And I think we try again, and I think we jump off swings. And we learn, and we fail, and we give grace, and we receive it. I think we learn about Jesus and we grow, and we do giant bold things, and take small bold steps too. And I think God delights in that. I think He knows, He just knows our humanness. I think He wants us, no more the days we get it right than the days we mess up. I think He wants to take us on God-sized adventures. I think He wants to surprise us because His heart is an adventurous one. I know He’s gotta be an adventurous one.